Is Seeing Believing... Or is Believing Seeing?

I was slipping. I knew I was. 

I couldn't remember the last time I read my Bible or prayed. Church was becoming monotonous. When I would cry to God, I felt like my prayers were bouncing back into my face. So many things had and were still changing. I was overwhelmed. I was depressed. I was stressed. I was bitter. I was doubting. I just wanted confirmation. Confirmation that God hadn't forgotten me, hadn't forgotten my family, or our circumstances. Yet, I was getting nothing from God. The longer I went without feeling him, without him giving me that confirmation I was longing for, the more cold I got. I was losing my faith in people, in church, AND in God. 

I wish I could say I handled it better than I did. I wish I could say that I bounced back quickly. I wish I could say that I hadn't  been a complete stubborn mule. 

But I can't. 

It was then I questioned....

Is seeing believing?

Or

Is believing seeing?

I was no longer sure. 

Looking back, I can see all of the warning signs God had been sending my way. At the time I'd brushed them off to coincidence or randomness. 

I can't recall how many times, throughout my life, I've heard the warnings preached about losing yourself. I've listened, most the time halfheartedly, about what could happen when your walk with God becomes shaky and ignored. It was like a cloud hanging over my head most of my life, because it felt threatening. It felt that if I got out of the will of God, that he would strike me down and take everything from me.

Even with all of that in my head, I knew I was losing the battle of optimism and faith. I knew I had my daughter to think of, my husband and our marriage, my lost loved ones, etc. Yet, it didn't seem as if anything could drag me from the mire of doubt and anger that I had gotten stuck in.

It wasn't until my lowest point that I realized just how far I'd gone in my doubt and bitterness. Just how lost I'd gotten in my anger and apathy. 

That is when it hit me, and I knew then, that if I didn't do something, I was going to lose, not just my walk with God and my faith in him, not just my loved ones, not just the security and peace over my husband, daughter and family, but I was going to lose myself.

With all of the changes that had occurred, I already felt lost. However, I knew that if I walked away from Him (God), that would be my downfall. After all, I was raised on faith in God and having a relationship with him. I was raised on leaning on him, and him being as much apart of you in your life as any family, friend, etc. It was in that time that I realized just how much apart of me he was. My identity was in him. And if I lost him, I lost who I was. 

So I started praying to him

*Side none*

For those of you who were raised to think, like me, that your praying has to be done on your knees for an hour for God to hear you... that isn't true.

*************

I prayed to him as I held my sleeping daughter. I prayed to him in the car, while I was driving from one place to another. I prayed to him when I was laying in the bed at night. I told him how sorry I was for my mistakes. I told him how broken I felt. I didn't know exactly what to do to get back on track. 

I mean... is it really that easy to just... start over?

All I could think was how, in our lives, saying "I'm sorry" doesn't always fix things. 

It doesn't erase the words or actions. 

It just meant you acknowledged the hurt of those words or actions and felt remorse for them. 

*smh*

Of course, God isn't on the same petty, human level that we are....

I remember a song that PCD (Phillips, Craig, and Dean) sang a long time ago, that I would sing in church. 

I thought that I had crossed the line
Walked away from love one time
Too many
I thought I'd used up all the grace
Set aside for my mistakes
So many
On my knees I found to my surprise
That your mercy renewed with the sunrise
You make Your mercy new every day...

How beautifully true this is... 

After all, didn't Jesus make the statement...

"For whether is easier, to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk? But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins..." -Matthew 9:4-6. 

So is it really that easy to say "Lord I am sorry", and start over?

Yes.... yes it is. 

When we feel like it isn't, then it's not because God doesn't forgive us. 

It's because we don't forgive ourselves. 

We remember every downright, dirty deed. 

We remember every thought. 

We remember every angry word spoken. 

We remember every action. 

Thankfully, God doesn't. 

As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.

-Proverbs 103:12

So, while our memory is still fully intact, God has already forgotten it.

He has taken the chalkboard, so to speak, and has cleaned off all the dirty residue left from the chalk, and has made you squeaky clean again. 

Then it is up to you.

So, as I previously mentioned, I started praying. I picked up my Bible, and wiped the dust from it. 

I needed faith. I had a husband to encourage. I had a daughter to be an example to, though, she is still too young to understand. There were decisions I needed direction on. There was peace I needed to grasp a hold of. Did I mention needing faith?

Sometimes the journey back is instantaneous. You get your lightening bolt, and pick up where you left off. Other times, God wants you repaired slowly. God wants to know that you are willing to try. He can't always give you the lightening bolt, because then you will need to see to believe, when we all know that seeing doesn't always keep you believing. 

After all, the Israelite's saw the mighty works performed by God through Moses so that they could be led from Egypt. It wasn't long after that, when the "lightening bolts" were gone, that doubt set in. 

So... God has begun repairing me slowly. Though I had wanted the lightening bold as confirmation for so long, I am now content with my quiet moments. I'm content with the little bits of goodness and validation he drops on me when I least expect it. 

Do I still have problems, insecurities, trials, get angry, etc?

You betcha. 

But I'm finding my peace.

I'm finding my joy. 

I am looking at my life again with happiness. 

I finding courage, where it was previously missing. 

I don't have all of the answers.

But I know they will come in time. 

Or they may not, who knows God's reasoning. 

I just know that, whether I get the answers I want, I will trust him to know what he is doing.

I said all that I have, to say this...

When in anger,

When in bitterness,

When in doubt,

  remember...

Seeing isn't believing.

That mentality will only leave you disappointed.

However.... When you believe without seeing, then that belief opens your eyes to things you couldn't see before. 

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Hebrews 11:1

It's All About the Balance

It has been forever, since I've been on my blog. Nearly a year to be exact. Sad I know, but apparently, life happens, and you end up trying to find a new balance. Like right now, I should be doing school work, since I am still working on getting my Bachelor's degree. Except, my baby girl is still up. At this very moment she is crying in her crib, because she has already drank all of her bottle (for the second time) and is refusing to go to sleep, though she is tired. 

Needless to say, my school work isn't getting done. It is hard enough to focus on textbook jargon  when it is quiet, much less when your baby is crying and you are fighting the internal battle being waged of whether or not you should go give in and just rock her to sleep, or let her realize that it is okay for her to go to sleep by herself... without mommy. It is a battle I fight regularly... again... balance. 

Being a Mommy, Wife, Student, etc. is all about balance. After six years of college, three years of marriage, and one year of being a mommy, I have yet to really find it. 

That is okay, though. I am slowly learning. Thankfully, I've had help throughout the process. I'm not sure what I would have done without a very supportive husband and family. 

To all of you mommies who are just trying to manage life and trying to find that right balance... keep your head up. Sometimes the beauty of life is in the madness of it all. 

FYI... I lost the battle and rocked my baby to sleep... there's always tomorrow for her to learn ;)

Birthday Fun

Happy Tuesday Everyone!

 

I hope everyone is having a great week so far!

I must say, today is a much better day than yesterday was.

I totally bombed a test yesterday and then my baby had to have her four month shots. :(

What was even worse, was that it all happened on my husbands birthday!
I was totally stressed about my test and worried about finishing in time to take my baby to the doctor that I totally forgot to wish him Happy Birthday yesterday morning. I know... I should be wife of the year!

 

At least we got to celebrate his birthday on Saturday!

He turned the big 25, and this year I have celebrated four birthday's with him!

We threw him a "Gone Fishin" party Saturday evening.

 

 

 

I didn't get to put as much into it as I wanted because of finances, but It turned out pretty good.

The most important thing was that my husband had a good time!

 

How do you manage throwing a party on a budget! Any advice, for future reference, would be great!  :)

This and That

So I've been pretty much out of the blogger world since October, other than the letter to my  mom that I wrote a few days ago. I must say I have missed it. There are times you just need an outlet, whether a creative one, a venting one, an FYI one... whatever the case, sometimes you just need somewhere to let it all out. At least I do.

 

I couldn't possibly catch everyone up on all that has happened since my hiatus. So I won't even try. Better to just start fresh.

 

My day has consisted, mostly, of this little monkey.

 

Yes, I am the mother of a four month old -as of this coming Friday-, and Yes... she has found her toes. LOL

 

It is so funny watching her chew on her own little toesies! 



Addison and mommy

 

At the moment, I should be doing  some school work for my online classes. My brain is fried, though. Today has been long, so I'm pushing it off until tomorrow. Maybe I'll be able to work on it in between naps for my baby girl. It doesn't help that nap times only last about thirty to forty-five minutes at a time. She takes after her mommy. Mommy didn't like naps, either.

 

On top of entertaining my demanding little diva, I was working on a grocery list.

 

 

Yes, I coupon! Since I quit my  job to stay at home with Addison, our grocery budget is down to $60 a week. That includes, food, cleaning products, personal products, baby products, etc. When I'm going big on diapers, I usually exclude that out of my weekly budget. Needless to say, it is challenging to keep under $60, but I manage, for the most part. Shopping sales, and using those little babies has helped me keep my budget tremendously! I even managed to get two All Free and Clear laundry detergent for free a few weeks ago.

 

My husband told me tonight that he had told some of his co-workers at work that our grocery bill was sixty a week and they were impressed. I won't lie... it made me feel pretty good. Some days you just want to feel like you can do something right, when  you feel like you do everything else wrong.

 

The highlight of my day, other than watching my princess rolling from her back to her tummy constantly, was my Temptations dishes that I received from UPS this afternoon. My grandmother got sick of hearing me and my sister fight over who was getting her set, so she bought each of us our own set. I have the best grandmother, I swear it.

 

 

Aren't they gorgeous?!? I can't wait to put these babies to good use! Now I just have to clean out a cabinet to put them in... Dun... Dun.... Dunnn!

 

I hope everyone had a happy Monday! :)

Dear Mom,

Dear Mom,

It is the end of another day, and instead of doing school, like I should be doing, I find myself writing you this letter instead.

At this moment, my own baby girl -who has already woke up three times since eight o'clock- is snuggled in her little bed asleep. It has reached that time in the day that, no matter how rewarding being a stay at home mother is, I am glad my little angel is asleep. So while she is sleeping, for the moment, I just want to take the time to thank you.

I never really understood what being a mother was. Yes, I heard about it, the rewards and downsides, and yet it never really hits you until you are a full time stay at home mom yourself. Now, though, I know first hand.

I know now that the first few months of my own life, you probably didn't get much sleep either. There were days you probably just wanted to give the "time out" signal and take five, or ten, or an hour, and you probably felt bad about feeling that way, too. You probably felt like a human bottle and pacifier, if I was indeed as bad as you say I was with breastfeeding. Again... I know first hand how you feel now, and apologize for not taking a bottle.

You probably felt like a human burp-rag, a professional diaper changer, and a hobo some days from not having the time to fix your own hair. Between baby duties, house duties, and wifely duties, I can imagine that most days you felt lucky to have ten minutes of uninterrupted shower time.

I know I already said thank you, but I feel it is necessary to say it again.... Thanks Mom.

Thank you for the time you spent caring for me. For changing my diaper. Holding me when I cried. For playing "peek-a-boo". For the stories you read, the songs you sang, and the silly noises you made up hoping it would stop me from fussing. Thank you for the hours -if I was anything like Addy- you spent trying to get me to sleep... and to keep me asleep. Thank you for the feedings, the interrupted "me" time, and for doing it day after day.

As a stay-at-home-mom now, I can tell you that you job was taken way too lightly. You made sure we were taken care of, the house was clean (or as clean as you could keep it that day), that supper was on the table for dad, and then made sure you spent QT with him as well. You are one amazing woman, and I pray every day to be the mother and wife that you are.

I love you so much.

Thanks again,

-Your Daughter

My 3 month old... Addison Emmalee

The Waiting Game (Update)

Hey Guys! 

I just wanted to give you guys and update, and let you all know that I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. I am still here! With that being said, I'm not 38 weeks and 3 days, and have fallen into that stage where I'm pretty much miserable and exhausted all the time. All of you mommy's know what I'm talking about. 

I'm pretty much playing the waiting game, and my little Appleseed is determined to do the opposite of what mommy says, already. It honestly feels like my days are dragging, and I've just been too tired and out of it to really post anything of interest, though I do have a few future posts coming up on Improvising-Cooking Edition and a "Off the Top of My Head" Desert, coming soon. It may be after she is born, though, we'll just have to see. 

Anyways, I hope everyone is doing great! And I'll be posting again a little more consistently soon! :)

Oh The Love...

Hello All! 

Happy Friday!

This week has felt super long.... just like last week did. I hope this isn't becoming a pattern. I'm 36 weeks and 3 days pregnant, and now that I'm down to the wire, I do not need my weeks/days/hours/minutes/or seconds dragging. At least until my little Addy finally decides to come out. Then it can slow back down. But until then, can we keep it moving, please!?!

Anyways, this week I've been....tired. That's pretty much it. I've been tired on top of tired. I've only been working half days, and every day I would go home and take a nap, only to go back to bed with my husband by 10 o'clock each night. Anything beyond cooking supper has been a trial for me. I digress. 

Yesterday my mom and I were talking on the way to my sister's house about love and affection in marriage. My parents have been married 30 years (31 years this November), and I when I'm visiting at their house I'm still having to remind them that "hello I'm in the room... you can stop groping each other now".  We all laugh and make funny jokes and innuendos (yes even my dad and mom). We are all pretty open. 

The truth is, though, I love knowing that after thirty years my parents still show that kind of affection, whether we are there or not. I remember growing up, riding in the car, and watching my dad reach over and take my mom's hand, or vice versa. I remember my daddy coming in from work, saying hello to her and giving her a kiss. I remember times where he'd tickle her, making her scream and laugh so hard until she was out of breath. 

As we were talking about love and affection, I made the statement that I thought it was good for me and my brother and sister to see that growing up, to see our parents still in love and affectionate towards each other. And I'm not talking about that overwhelming emotion you have when you are first together and every moment feels like you are walking on air. I'm talking about true love...

The love that has you snuggling closer to your husband, even when the two of you have felt distant.

The love that has your husband still kissing you years later the way he did when you were dating. 

The love the makes you want to give or do for that person just to make their day a little better.

The love that has you forgiving through the hurt.

The love that is still there after arguments and aggravation.

The love that is still there two, ten, or thirty years after marriage.

The love that is still there after your kids are grown and gone.

This kind of love comes with another component called commitment. 

I'm pretty sure since my mid-teens, my mom has spoken to me about the word commitment on several occasions, admitting that she didn't always "feel" the love for my daddy, but the commitment she made to him held them through those times. I've seen the days where I could have sworn they would bite each other's heads off fo real! And then the next day he was coming up behind her in the kitchen and wrapping his arms around her. 

I felt sad when my husband and I, about a year into our marriage, began losing that "overwhelming love" as life intruded. I see now it was a slow fade, and I hated when it happened. It made me feel like I'd lost him or that I was losing him. The truth is we were being brought out of something that would never last,  and into the beginning of something, that with work, would last a lifetime. 

Change is never easy, especially not in your relationship with your spouse. But the truth is you will go through changes in life that will put a strain on your relationship. You won't feel close, you won't feel that overwhelming emotion, you will go to bed without getting or giving a kiss goodnight, or even touching. However, I am finding that it is through these changes that love doesn't always come in overwhelming waves of passion. Sometimes love comes in subtle ripples. 

You know what is significant about those subtle ripples... is that it starts out from something small... and grows. 

Like when I'm sitting on the couch beside him massaging his legs because they are sore from being on them all day, and all he does is look at me and I see his love and thanks in his eyes...and all because I'm doing something so small as massaging his legs without him even having to ask. 

Like when I walk into the house after being out and he has washed the dishes and cleaned off the table so that I wouldn't have to when I got home. 

Like when he gets up and goes to work (a job he isn't liking and where he works with a bunch of but heads), when I know he'd rather just not. But he does it for us, and it reminds me of one of the reasons I fell in love with him. 

Like when we are laying in the bed, snuggled up beside each other, and begin walking down memory lane... Our first kiss (the best first kiss I'd ever had), the first time we went out (Which gave us our mutual love for Despicable Me), when he poked me with a fork at rally (his idea of flirting, and I loved it), the first time we traveled to his parents together, the day we got married, our honeymoon, our first fight and how we both apologized afterwards and held onto each other.

It is in these moments where God imperceptibly drops small pebbles of feeling and commitment into our hearts. The ripples from those pebbles form and grow, bringing back that more subtle, but nonetheless, overwhelming love, reminding you all over again why you committed yourself to that person to begin with.

I may not have been the most beautiful of choices or the smartest.
I may not have been the one with the best personality or the best singer.
But my husband fell in love and committed himself to me.
I don't want to ever take that for granted.

In 30 years...
When the years have aged us,
When we are watching our children have children,
When the world around us has completely changed and evolved,
When our memories may be blurred, but not forgotten,
that my husband and I still feel those ripples and fall in love with each other all over again.

Oh, Fall, Where Art Thou?

Welcome Monday morning....*note sarcasm*

Who really welcomes Monday morning? I am still all for skipping Monday and going directly to Wednesday. Unfortunately, no one is listening to me. Go fig! 

I'm pretty sure that I left over half of me still in the bed at home. The other half, or maybe quarter, of me is sitting here trying to make sense of the world with my sleep-fogged mind. One thing that is coming in loud and clear, though..... I am sick of the heat. And being pregnant. And being pregnant in the heat. 

I'm looking forward to the day where I can hold my little girl in low sixty, upper fifty degree weather. It is pretty sad when you actually start checking the ten day forecast to see if we are going to be hitting anything cool soon in Florida. 

The good news:

We will be hitting high-mid sixties for a low. 

The bad news:

We will still be in the high's of upper eighties and low ninties. 

Ugh! 

Now that it is getting so close to fall, I'm ready to start decorating. For a moment (more like a millisecond), I thought I'd wait and start decorating when it cooled down. Then I laughed at myself. I would be skipping decorations for fall and decorating for Christmas if I was to do that. So I nipped that in the bud. I thought I might start decorating within the next week or so. Since my budget is limited I've been looking up some cheaper DIY fall decor Ideas, and figured I would share. Gotta love pinterest! :)

Hope it lifts your spirits like it did mine in this icky hot weather!!

 Keep Calm and FALL in Love! 

Still Learning at 24

Sorry for my absence. The past week I just haven't felt like writing, as much as I love it. I've been pretty blank, going through a lot mentally, emotionally, and obviously, physically. Pregnancy is no joke. I've also been going through a lot of spiritual things as well. So, needless to say, my desire to do...well anything really, has been pretty below par.

I'm realizing today that I'm never too old to learn things or in some cases re-learn them. I feel like God is doing a lot of that with me lately. I'm having to recondition myself to things I've known all of my life, that I grew up knowing and have just lacked applying them... and God is showing me new things about myself, forcing me to go through things I've never had to go through before.

The old cliche that "an old dog can't learn new tricks" is a lie. At 24 years old (which isn't all that old, really, but old enough to have a few experiences), I'm still learning and re-learning. I'm still having to bite the bullet, to lay down my pride in some matters, and to learn to apply all of those oh so simple words we grew up with to myself and my life.

Here are a few things that God has been teaching and re-teaching me...

#1. I cannot make it without him.

This should be a given. I know this. I grew up being taught that I could try to live life without him, but that when it comes down to true peace, true joy, true love, true happiness, I need him. I have probably felt my loneliest since I've been pregnant. I know that sounds weird, and I don't believe I've told anyone that yet, but it's the truth. I'm going through  physical changes that I know other people have gone through. I'm going through the relationship changes I know others have gone through. I'm going from working to being a stay at home mommy as others have done.... And yet I have never felt more utterly insecure, anxious, worried, weary, uncertain.... you get the idea. I look for the assurances from my husband, my mother and father, my sister... and as nice as they sound they can't give me what I truly need. I have to remember that no matter what, as long as I put God first, he has my back. He will take care of me and my husband. He will take care of our uncertain future. He will take care of my baby girl.

...for, lo, I am with you alway, even until the end of the world.
Matthew 28:20

#2. I have to let things go

As mentioned above, I am about to face an uncertainty I've never faced before. A stay at home mommy? Me? Yeah, I never thought I would be that, much less DESIRE to be that. People change, though. Their desires and circumstances change. So now I'll be quitting work to stay at home and take care of our little princess. I'm thrilled to be able to do that. However, now I'm facing being totally dependent on my husband. Since we've been married, we've both worked. We've both had incomes coming in. While I've been somewhat dependent on him for the main bills, I've still had my piece of independence with the little bit of money I made. Now we are facing living on one income. I honestly have no idea how this is going to work. I have internally debated again and again if this was the right thing, was this our only option, are we doing the right thing. I've been worrying and fretting and punching figures. I've been looking into and learning how to better save on groceries, diapers, anything really. I've even been doing my research on how to coupon, since I've never really been big into it. However, God is once again revealing to me, that I just have to let go. As mentioned above, if I continue to put him first in all things, he'll work it out. It may not be when or how I want it. It may not come as I thought it should. But he will work it out. I just need to let go and let him do his thing. It is a hard thing to do for someone who likes to know the how and when and why, but I'm just going to have to keep working at it... otherwise I'll be grey by the time I turn 25.

#3. Acceptance

I could have tied this into number 2, but I felt like in some ways, to me, it is separate, maybe because it stems from more personal issues. I am learning to accept things as they are. I'm learning to accept others as they are. I'm learning to accept situations as they are. And I'm learning to accept myself, as I am. I have to accept that I will never look like Miss America or be that perfect house-wife. I have to accept that people won't always do or act or be who I think they should. I have to accept that there are things that are going to happen that are going to hurt me, that I'm not going to like, and really I'm not going to know how to deal with at first or how to react to it. But I have to accept that it came and that it is over. This is another hard one for me. When things come at me, it almost feels like there is an instant replay going on in my head, from what happened to the way it made me feel. I will literally lay awake in bed for hours (as I did last night) and my mind just goes over and over and over until finally I am just too tired and fall asleep. Then I wake up the next morning feeling the after affects of whatever happened plus the lack of sleep. I've got to learn to accept that I can't change what happens. I can't change people. I can't change who I am and what I look like (essentially). I have to accept that what is...simply is.

#4. Forgiveness

I'm not sure which is harder... Asking Forgiveness or Granting it.
 There are times where it is easy to forgive people for something that they have done that has intentionally or unintentionally hurt you. Yet the hurt can leave scars. I'm not talking about abuse and physical wounds. There is damage that is done when someone hurts another that no one can see, but God. It leaves confusion. It leaves questions. It leaves anger and bitterness. How do you have the desire to forgive, and yet still feel all of the emotions that person's actions left you with?

I honestly don't have an answer to that question. What I do know is that forgiveness is necessary, not just for the other person, but for you as well. If you never try to forgive then...
One: It leaves you without Forgiveness. For how can you be forgiven if you can't give forgiveness?
Two: It leaves you without peace and will carry the hurt like a weight on your shoulders.

God never said that if you forgive you won't ever feel the hurt again. I don't read that in my Bible. However, I do believe that in time the hurt fades and the acceptance comes, which brings true forgiveness. One just has to remember the following:

-You are just as human as the person that hurt you
So in other words, you aren't perfect.

- You will eventually need forgiveness for something
because you are human (see above)

-You can't look for forgiveness if you have never given it
It kind of goes back to that "give and you shall receive thing".
I think that is something God took seriously.

I'm being pretty transparent on a public blogging site, and the reason for that is I hope that you realize that you are never to old to learn something new and you should not stop trying to learn things that are beneficial to you. God may be trying to teach you some of the things he is teaching me. My advice... let him. For he wants nothing but good for you. 

Any Advice?

I remember when I first started meal-planning after I got married. It started out as bi-weekly planning to fit Wade's bi-weekly paycheck's (since I only got paid once a month), and then went to weekly planning when my work switched to bi-weekly payrolls. It ended up falling on the opposite week of my husband getting paid. It made things easier, as far as the planning goes, to just plan dinners and lunches for the week and go get what we need. Though, the hassle of going grocery shopping weekly gets old, I still loved  the easiness of weekly planning.

You can say I'm a bit of an oddball. Once I got the hang of planning meals out and such, and forming grocery lists, I ended up learning to enjoy it. I loved the feeling knowing that I had a "flexible" plan of meals, and thanks to the planning I would know that when I went grocery shopping I would have everything down on the list that I needed. I wouldn't have to worry about not having some ingredient to make a specific meal, because I'd already planned for it.

However, since we are about to be living on one income, a dramatic cut in money, I'm trying to figure out a new strategy to my meal planning, which I think to be even more important now that we will be budgeting for everything. So do we now go back to bi-weekly, since he still gets paid that way? Do we plan monthly? I'm not sure what is the best way to go. Planning monthly seems so intimidating. I'm not a very good "guesser". I don't like to guess. I like to "know"! What happens if I guess on buying this much bread to last us the month, and it doesn't?

I know it isn't the end of the world, and I know a lot of it is trial and error, learning to see how fast each family goes through different food items. 

I need advice. Do you do monthly meal plans? How much do you budget for food and household items? What is the best way to plan for the month? Any advice would be greatly appreciated! 

Slacker Much?

Yep that's me... a slacker. 

I totally slacked last week on my blogging. It was just one of those weeks, where I had no motivation to do anything, and when I say anything, I mean ANY-THING! Only two days our of an entire week did I work on things that needed to be done at home; Tuesday and Saturday. That was it. Otherwise I was sleeping, going to church, or laying on the couch waiting until it was a decent time to go to sleep (like at least after 9 o'clock). 

I'm still lacking a lot of motivation. It is getting harder and harder to get up to go to work, to not want to lay down and sleep on the floor while I'm at work, and to not go to bed as soon as I get home or do nothing the entire night until I can go to bed. 

The exciting thing is... that with each slacker day I have that goes by, the closer I get until I have my little Appleseed, who feels more like a bowling ball now. I can't wait to have her in my arms! 

With that said, here is a little glimpse from my baby shower that my Mommy and Sister threw for me the weekend before last...

I loved how my mom and sister incorporated Addison's very first nickname, "Appleseed", into the the decor and food! They had an Apple Bar, with Apple slices, melted milk and white chocolate, caramel, peanuts, coconut...etc. It was so cute! I loved the mason jars with the chevron straws and my totally awesome "preggo" cake! The top right picture were all the pregnant gal's at my shower...yes that made five pregnant woman, though I actually know quite a few more who are pregnant as well... 

I had the best time and was truly blessed by all the people who showed up and gave such wonderful gifts! I wanted to take a picture of a lot of things to share with you guys, but there was so many things that I decided against it! Though I will show you the picture I have of my diaper bag from my Memaw!

Yes.... it is a Vera Bradley Diaper bag. And sadly it is the only Vera Bradley thing I own, other than a VB wallet that I paid $10 for at a consignment shop. My memaw gave me a gift card to The Grey Fox to go pick out a VB diaper bag that I liked. I truly have the best grandparents. There was enough on the card to get me the diaper bag and a hair tools travel case! The bonus is.... once Addy doesn't need this anymore I can so use it for an overnight bag or whatever myself! :)

My dad made me laugh when he said he couldn't wait to see Wade carrying that thing HA-HA! My husband then decided that he would carry Addison and I could carry the diaper bag. Oh men... gotta love them! 

To continue on the baby theme of my slacker post (makes a lot of sense right? lol)... Our Maternity pictures are this Saturday! I'm so excited and have been wracking my brain and scouring google and Pinterest for ideas. My cousin, Erin (also pregnant and who done my Wedding pictures) will be coming back into town to do them at the same place Wade and I got married ... Shiloh Farms.

So anyways....that's been the last few weeks and a precursor to my coming up weekend! I know I'm a slacker at the moment, but I have promised myself to try and do better... somehow I need to self-motivate. Not sure how at the moment, but I'm working on it! Hope you guys have a happy Tuesday! :)

Friday Funnies

You remember the time when people actually drove to their job, settled down in their office and actually "worked"? I'm pretty sure that all stopped March 2010 B.P (Before Pinterest). 

Life as we new it ended after that. Work as we knew it ended after that. People now go into work and instead of checking their emails first, they are checking Pinterest. 

I'm pretty sure it is the newest addiction, and should probably have a 12 Step program! 

Hello. My name is Rebekah and I'm addicted to Pinterest. 

*Hi Rebekah*

I have 53 boards on Pinterest. 

I have 312 pins on my funny board alone. 

My boards are in alphabetical order. 

It is safe to say, I'm an addict! 

Admitting you have a problem is generally the first step right?

Obviously, I'm a sucker for the funny stuff. I mean, I do have 312 pins (the most pins of all my boards) in my board titled "Laughter = The Best Medicine". You should really check it out. It has some good stuff LOL.
You can click here to go to my Pinterest!

Anyways, today I actually got up before my alarm clock (first in....forever). And I actually have felt pretty dang good this morning. I'm not a zombie today! Yay! (Again that would be the first time in....forever). 

I even got to talk to my sister this morning and leave her a funny voice mail, which I know she just LOVED after the initial annoyance of seeing that stupid symbol pop up on her notifications he-he! We always have a good time talking to each other, and always end up laughing through 90% of it. 

I'm losing focus... back to the point....

After my funny chat, I got on Pinterest (go figure, right?) and hit up couple of random pins before focusing on the funny one's... and... you know those weird people at work that you hear in the office by themselves making weirdo noises? Well I'm one of those, and the noises come from choking back full blown LOL's from reading the funnies on Pinterest! 

So in honor of my good mood, and the end to a terrible week, I thought I might post some of my  favorite funnies found from Pinterest this week! 

I hope you all have a Fantabulously, Funny Friday! :)

Getting Organized

Organizing... I love it, but it can be difficult for me to stay consistent with it. 

I've always kept a planner. The problem was I didn't always look at said planner, especially during the summer or whatever, because I didn't need to keep up with tests, exams, quizzes, assignments due... so the main time I looked at it was when I was in class. After that, it was forgotten until further notice. 

I started a little binder project earlier to keep recipe's, weekly meal plans, ideas, etc. a few months back, but with some of the craziness going on I've slacked off on it. However, now I'm realizing I may need it more than ever as a new mommy living on one income. 

So now I'm thinking it is time to get my binder in order and add in a few more things I think will come in handy the next few months. 

I'm not a creative person, but I like cute, creative things, so I went to my handy-dandy Pinterest and.... TA-DA....found blogs that had free, cute printable's for the things I needed! 

Here are the things I thought I needed to cover in my Binder... 

Meal Plan/Recipes- Updated

I already had this in my binder, but found another printable that was just a grid to use post it notes. I liked it better than what I already had, and it would be easy to pop the post its on and off if I need to change it. I also want to be able to have my quick/easy recipe's in here.

Monthly Calendar

With Doctor appointments, WIC appointments, and whatever ever else pops up after the baby is born, this will come in handy. I think I may actually print one to put on my fridge as well for an easy look-see. I also found a Dates to remember page, for a one-stop what I need to remember for what month. 

Weekly Goals/Cleaning List

The weekly goals comes with a grid to place post its like the weekly meal plan, so they are easily interchangeable (and cute). Then I figured this would be a good place to have some kind of cleaning list. I like lists and the feeling of accomplishment when I get to check things off lists. My husband is the mental list maker and to mentally check things off. I'm into visual aid. I like to be able to see it, hold it, smell it if need be (which I don't... that would be weird). But if I wanted to I could because it would be in my hand LOL. 

Monthly Budgeting

My husband and I will be dependent on one income once the baby is born, so I thought this would be good in helping us keep things into perspective as well as help us keep putting money back in our savings. 

Important Information/Documents

I thought this would come in handy to keep Insurance information, WIC checks, WIC documents, and whatever else I end up putting in there. I'm sure there is more. This way it is all in one place and there I don't have to pull a search and rescue for it. 

Randoms

I found a cute little printable where for little Jot-It-Notes. I thought this would be good for those little random things I need to remember, for ideas, for anything miscellaneous.

If anyone has any other ideas, printable's that they use or advice, please let me know! Also if anyone uses WIC, any advice on the best way to understand these darn WIC checks, advice on how to organize it all, or any suggestions at all would be appreciated.  :) 

What Happened to the Weekend?!?

Does anyone else on Monday think..."What Flippin' Weekend?!?"

I had kind of a busy weekend, which of course had the whole thing flying by in hyper speed. 

Rude.... 

And it is totally bad, now that I'm trying to think about it, exactly what I did each day. I feel like there are blank spaces in my weekend. I'm sitting here feeling like..... *crickets*....... while trying to figure out exactly what I did on Friday evening 

I know we did something Friday night, my husband and I... but I'll be darned if I can't remember exactly what that is. Pregnancy has me loosing it for real. 

Saturday I remember pretty well... First because My husband and I went to check out this place we heard about for sale... and I totally fell in love. The closets, the cabinet space in the kitchen, the big spacious rooms. Too bad that it is more than likely out of our reach, but that is all apart of life. Eventually we will get there. Just not right now. 

After that I remember I had lunch with some girlfriends, three of which are preggo like me! I know more pregnant women now than I ever have at one time in my life. It is CRAZY! I never believed the whole, "its something in the water" theory, but now I'm starting to question it. Just FYI...be careful drinking the water LOL. 

Later on that evening my husband and I went to town. Yes, we both went and it was actually HIS idea. 

 I know right... I was shocked as well. But he finally realized his desperate need for some new jeans, and heard Sears was having a sale. He still flipped out over spending a few extra dollar's for a pair of nice Wranglers, but I'm pretty he isn't really complaining anymore since he's put them on. 

After that I somehow talked him into going to Ulta... All I needed was a new facial cleanser (cheap) and some makeup remove wipes (cheap). However, It is hard finding good products for a pregnant woman with sensitive, acne prone skin. My Cetaphil just hadn't been cutting it for me lately, and was doing absolutely nothing for breakouts. And I'm limited on drugstore products because of my little mini-me in my belly... so I ended up spending a few dollars more for the Philosophy's Purity Gel cleanser. I used the regular Purity cleanser before, and while it worked well on my sister's face, it did nothing for mine. Did I also mention I have oily skin?!?! Add that to the pot and it is IMPOSSIBLE to find something good for cheap that will help with that as well. 

Anyways... point is...

the gel cleanser was better for oily skin, was also a toner, and cleaned deep down in the pores to remove all makeup (even eye makeup). I was totally skeptical, but I paid the money and bought it, used it that night. It seemed to remove all of my makeup, even my waterproof mascara, but I used my little homemade toner of witch hazel and lemon juice just to see if there was any makeup left on the skin. After swiping the cotton ball on my face, there wasn't anything on the cotton ball. I used it the next morning and night and woke up this morning with the irritated parts of my skin shockingly less red. I'm already impressed, since my cetaphil never did that in the months I've been using it. 

Believe it or not, I started talking about my weekend, not my skincare... Oops. 

Sunday was another busy day of church, visiting my papaw in the hospital, and grocery shopping... 

but I did manage to squeeze in a small nap... I was so stinking tired. 

In conclusion, the weekend is never long enough, and I generally feel like I never really have one. I petition to have at least a 4 day weekend. All who agree say "I" or "Amen" LOL.

Hope you guys have a great Monday! 

Oh, Friday

I will be the first to say, if someone hasn't already beat me to it, that I am so glad it is Friday. 

This past week has felt like the week from H-E- Double Hockey sticks.

Yes I went old school there. 

I could rant and rave about it, but I'm not. I can't do anything to change any of it, so I'm just kind of rolling with it the best I can. Sometimes that just means forcing a smile on my face and staying as positive as possible. After all, things could always be much worse. 

With that being said, I'll talk about some good things... one being the dinner I made last night. 

I am very proud to say that I made home made Chicken Alfredo for the first time every last night; meaning the sauce didn't come out of a jar. Of course it helped that it was so stinkin' easy. So it will definitely be going into my recipe book! 

If anyone would like the recipe you can click here.

Tip: Just make sure you season the sauce with something. I used Salt, Pepper, and some Garlic salt. I also seasoned my chicken with a little bit of garlic salt and Lawry's seasoning. It was super yummy!

As for my 30 days of Change Challenge. It is still a work in progress. I am actually proud to say that I've learned to accept my "not-so-great" skin a little more. I'm also still wearing less makeup, learning that if the imperfections show up, it is OK. Life isn't about the perfection, but the imperfections that can make it so perfect. 

Kind of like being broke .

(maybe that is a bad analogy, but go with me on this)

My husband and I have had many a Friday nights where we just didn't have the money to go and do anything, so we we spent the evening in. What could have been depressing, boring night (and believe me, some started off that way), ended up to be some pretty great nights. We'd watch a movie together and end up in a all out tickle war, or we'd end up at my parents house hanging with them. The point is, the we didn't have the money for that perfect Friday night outing, but the imperfection of being broke forced us to stay home where we made some pretty good memories anyways, without the Friday night city lights. 

So I may not have perfect skin, and my belly may look like the equivalent of two basketballs, and I may not be very good at DIY projects (I totally botched the wood letters for my daughters room), but it is still okay to love and accept myself just the way I am, imperfections and all. Sometimes it is easier said than done, but I am still working on it. 

I hope everyone has a lovely Friday and a easy, peezy weekend! :)

FALLing in Love

I actually have a Pinterest board with this title, where I pin everything and anything pertaining to Fall. 

Of course, I have a separate one, specifically for Halloween, because I'm a weirdo and feel like it is important enough to have it's own board all by itself. 

Karla @ Forever Newly Wedded (one of my favorite bloggers!!) came up with a great link up where you can share things you want to jot down to do during the most wonderful time of the year... I know that is supposed to be Christmas, but I include Fall into this because that is how much I love it. 

Oh man... the colors, the cool, crisp weather, the decorations and smells...

Have I mentioned that I LOVE FALL! 

So here is my to do list!
If you want to join the fun, link up with Karla

Have Baby Dixon

This is pretty obvious, but Its the first on my to-do list. I'm so ready for her to get here so I can hold her and kiss her and love her, and then sometimes let her daddy do the same ;)

Take Fall Baby Pictures

I saw this on Pinterest a while back and knew that I would want to do this when Addison finally gets here.

How stinking cute is that!!!! 

Have (at least) 2 date nights with the Hubby

I know we could do this anytime, but during the Fall we will still be adjusting to the extra little person in our house. So to make sure my husband doesn't feel totally neglected, I want to go ahead and plan a date night at home (home-cooked, yummy meal, desert, and movie of his choice maybe), and a date night out when she's a little older. 

Watch at least 2 scary movies for Halloween

Last year we kind of flopped on getting in the scary movies. We didn't end up getting to watch one until Halloween was already over (what's the point in that, right!). So I want to make sure I get them in early from Netflix this year. 

Carve A Pumpkin

My husband and I actually done our first pumpkin together while we were still engaged. It had been my first pumpkin carving EVER! Last year, though, we were so busy we didn't get the chance. So this year its a must. 

Get pumpkin from Pumpkin Patch

I've never gotten to go to a pumpkin patch and actually pick my own pumpkin. I think it would be so much fun! 

Bake another Homemade Pumpkin Pie

Last year I made my very first homemade pumpkin pie. I got compliments on it, but wasn't too thrilled with it myself. So this year I would actually like to make it and like the taste of it as well. 

Bonfire and Movie

Someone locally puts on this Movie in the Park every year (closer to Christmas). We've never been able to go because of the rain or previous plans or whatever the case. This year I thought it would be fun, since I have a projector and my mom a screen, to set it up outside when it finally gets cool, and watch movies while having a bonfire/cookout! The kids would love it... and of course the Big Kids would too! :)

Try some DIY decorating projects

I have pinned a gazillion things that I want to do to decorate my house for Fall. It would be nice to actually do a one or two of them this year. Of course, the success of this will depend on how well our finances are, since I will be staying home to take care of my little Appleseed. But if we can swing it, I'll be doing some of them! 

Make Homemade Applesauce

Again with pinterest, but I found a recipe for crock pot Applesauce! The smell would be amazing and very Fall-ish... and of course it would be yummy to eat! 

This or That

I woke up thinking today should totally be Thursday. My sleepy, exhausted body told me so. Regardless of what my preggo body was telling me, though, I still woke up to a Tuesday.

I'm not a fan of Tuesday, just like I'm not a fan of Monday. I think that after Sunday, you should jump straight to Wednesday. Wednesday has potential AND purpose. I mean it's hump day, which means you are already halfway through the week. It gives you something to hold onto. Thursday means you only have one more work day until the weekend, and Friday actually begins the weekend so I don't mind Friday. But Monday and Tuesday, in my book should be excommunicated However, I guess skipping from Sunday to Wednesday would defeat the purpose of Wednesday being the halfway point of the week. 

*sigh*

Anyways... Sorry for the ramble. I'm seriously tired sitting here at my desk this morning. I am pretty sure that if I brought my two pillows, I could lay out on my office floor and go to sleep. I digress. 

So today I thought I would do this neat little Tag that I heard of through the grapevine. And now that I am done rambling we can begin! :) 

This or That Tag

Makeup:

Blush or Bronzer?

Blush

Lip gloss or lip stick?

I don't wear either all of the time, but 

I think I would go with lipstick

Eye liner or mascara?

Mascara fo sho!

Foundation or Concealer?

Concealer. You can use that as a foundation as well. 

Neutral or color eye shadow?

I'm a neutral kind of girl.

Press or loosed eye shadow?

Definitely pressed. Loose can be so messy!

Brushes or sponges?

Hmm, I love my new Soho sponge (knock off beauty blender), 

but I'll go with brushes. I can use them with almost anything. 

Nails:

OPI or China Glaze?

Nail polish really isn't my passion, 

but I think I'll go with OPI (I know I have at least one of those)

Long or short?

They are long right now (thanks to pregnancy),

and I like them for the most part. 

Acrylic or natural?

Acrylic is pretty, but so ruinous. Therefore,

I go natural

Brights or darks?

Brights!

Flowers or no flowers?

That's a negative on the flowers,

though they are pretty. 

Body:

Perfume or body splash?

Perfume

Lotion or body butter?

I like them both, but more so lotion.

Body wash or soap?

Body wash! I HATE bar soaps for real!

Lush or other bath company?

I haven't had the chance to try lush products! :(

Fashion:

Jeans or sweatpants?

Jeans, though being pregnant has limited

my wear time with them

Long sleeves or short?

Kind of depends on whether it is cold or hot. 

Dresses or skirts?

I love skirts, but have recently been obsessed

with dresses

Stripes or plaid?

Plaid

Flip flops or sandals?

I love my sandals!

Scarves or hats?

Scarves, definitely!

Studs or dangly earrings?

That's hard... I love them both,

but I'll go with Dangly.

Necklaces or bracelets?

I don't wear a whole lot of either, but I'll go with Bracelets.

I love my Pandora bracelet from my Memaw! 

Heels or flats?

Lately... flats.

Cowboy boots or riding boots?

Cowboy boots! :)

Jacket or hoodie?

I'm totally a hoodie girl

Forever 21 or Charlotte Russe?

Forever 21 hands down!

Abercrombie or Hollister?

Yeah I don't shop at either.

I have curves.

Saks 5th or Nordstrom?

Neither

Hair:

Curly or straight?

Recently, curly has been easier to manage.

Less fuss.

Bun or ponytail?

ponytail. I have a hard time getting buns to look right

Bobby pins or butterfly clips?

I am a bobby pin fanatic. 

I can pretty much pull one from any location of my house lol

Hairspray or gel?

Hairspray

Long or short?

Long...I miss my longer hair :(

Light or dark?

I use to be dead set on dark, but now I'm like it lighter

Side sweep or full bangs?

Side sweep

Up or down?

Down if I can get away with it.

Random:

Rain or shine?

Rain... sun in the hot, humid, sunshine state

is absolutely miserable.

Summer or Winter?

Winter... 

Fall or Spring?

Fall!!!! I love the cool weather, hoodies,

bonfires, and colors! 

Chocolate or Vanilla?

Chocolate... yum!

East coast or West coast?

I'm an east-coaster fo sho! 

Hope you all have a lovely, blessed day!